Classic Carroll: The Queen's Croquet Ground

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white  but there were three gardeners at it  busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing  and she went nearer to watch them  and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say  “Look out now  Five! Don’t go splashing paint over me like that!"

“I couldn't help it " said Five  in a sulky tone; “Seven jogged my elbow."

On which Seven looked up and said  “That’s right  Five! Always lay the blame on others!"

“You’d better not talk!" said Five. “I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!"

“What for?" said the one who had spoken first.

“That’s none of your business  Two!" said Seven.

“Yes  it is his business!" said Five  “and I’ll tell him  it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions."

Seven flung down his brush  and had just begun “Well  of all the unjust things ..." when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice  as she stood watching them  and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also  and all of them bowed low.

“Would you tell me " said Alice  a little timidly  “why you are painting those roses?"

Five and Seven said nothing  but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice  “Why the fact is  you see  Miss  this here ought to have been a red rose tree  and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out  we should all have our heads cut off  you know. So you see  Miss  we’re doing our best  afore she comes  to ..." At this moment Five  who had been anxiously looking across the garden  called out “The Queen! The Queen!" and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps  and Alice looked round  eager to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners  oblong and flat  with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds  and walked two and two  as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten of them  and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand  in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests  mostly Kings and Queens  and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous manner  smiling at everything that was said  and went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts  carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and  last of all this grand procession  came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners  but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; “and besides  what would be the use of a procession " thought she  “if people had all to lie down upon their faces  so that they couldn’t see it?" So she stood still where she was  and waited.

When the procession came opposite to Alice  they all stopped and looked at her  and the Queen said severely “Who is this?" She said it to the Knave of Hearts  who only bowed and smiled in reply.

“Idiot!" said the Queen  tossing her head impatiently; and  turning to Alice  she went on  “What’s your name  child?"

“My name is Alice  so please your Majesty " said Alice very politely; but she added  to herself  “Why  they’re only a pack of cards  after all. I needn’t be afraid of them!"

“And who are these?" said the Queen  pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree; for  you see  as they were lying on their faces  and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack  she could not tell whether they were gardeners  or soldiers  or courtiers  or three of her own children.

“How should I know?" said Alice  surprised at her own courage. “It’s no business of mine."

The Queen turned crimson with fury  and  after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast  screamed “Off with her head! Off..."

“Nonsense!" said Alice  very loudly and decidedly  and the Queen was silent.

The King laid his hand upon her arm  and timidly said “Consider  my dear: she is only a child!£

The Queen turned angrily away from him  and said to the Knave “Turn them over!"

The Knave did so  very carefully  with one foot.

“Get up!" said the Queen  in a shrill  loud voice  and the three gardeners instantly jumped up  and began bowing to the King  the Queen  the royal children  and everybody else.

“Leave off that!" screamed the Queen. “You make me giddy." And then  turning to the rose-tree  she went on  “What have you been doing here?"

“May it please your Majesty " said Two  in a very humble tone  going down on one knee as he spoke  “we were trying..."

“I see!" said the Queen  who had meanwhile been examining the roses. “Off with their heads!" and the procession moved on  three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners  who ran to Alice for protection.

“You shan’t be beheaded!" said Alice  and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two  looking for them  and then quietly marched off after the others.

“Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen.

“Their heads are gone  if it please your Majesty!" the soldiers shouted in reply.

“That’s right!" shouted the Queen. “Can you play croquet?"

The soldiers were silent  and looked at Alice  as the question was evidently meant for her.

“Yes!" shouted Alice.

“Come on  then!" roared the Queen  and Alice joined the procession  wondering very much what would happen next.

“It’s—it’s a very fine day!" said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the White Rabbit  who was peeping anxiously into her face.

“Very " said Alice: “—where’s the Duchess?"

“Hush! Hush!" said the Rabbit in a low  hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke  and then raised himself upon tiptoe  put his mouth close to her ear  and whispered “She’s under sentence of execution."

“What for?" said Alice.

“Did you say â€ñWhat a pity!" the Rabbit asked.

“No  I didn’t " said Alice: “I don’t think it’s at all a pity. I said â€ñWhat for?"

“She boxed the Queen’s ears" the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. “Oh  hush!" the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see  she came rather late  and the Queen said..."

“Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder  and people began running about in all directions  tumbling up against each other; however  they got settled down in a minute or two  and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs  the mallets live flamingoes  and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet  to make the arches.

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away  comfortably enough  under her arm  with its legs hanging down  but generally  just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out  and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head  it would twist itself round and look up in her face  with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down  and was going to begin again  it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself  and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this  there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to  and  as the doubled up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground  Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

The players all played at once without waiting for turns  quarrelling all the while  and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion  and went stamping about  and shouting “Off with his head!" or “Off with her head!" about once in a minute.

Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure  she had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen  but she knew that it might happen any minute  “and then " thought she  “what would become of me? They’re dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is  that there’s any one left alive!"

She was looking about for some way of escape  and wondering whether she could get away without being seen  when she noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first  but  after watching it a minute or two  she made it out to be a grin  and she said to herself “It’s the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to."

“How are you getting on?" said the Cat  as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with.

Alice waited till the eyes appeared  and then nodded. “It’s no use speaking to it " she thought  “till its ears have come  or at least one of them." In another minute the whole head appeared  and then Alice put down her flamingo  and began an account of the game  feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight  and no more of it appeared.

“I don’t think they play at all fairly " Alice began  in rather a complaining tone  “and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can’t hear oneself speak and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least  if there are  nobody attends to them and you’ve no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance  there's the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground—and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now  only it ran away when it saw mine coming!â€

“How do you like the Queen?" said the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all " said Alice: “she’s so extremely..." Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her  listening: so she went on  “...likely to win  that it's hardly worth while finishing the game."

The Queen smiled and passed on.

“Who are you talking to?" said the King  going up to Alice  and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.

“It's a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat " said Alice: “allow me to introduce it."

“I don’t like the look of it at all " said the King: “however  it may kiss my hand if it likes."

“I’d rather not "bthe Cat remarked.

“Don’t be impertinent " said the King  “and don’t look at me like that!" He got behind Alice as he spoke.

“A cat may look at a king " said Alice. “I’ve read that in some book  but I don’t remember where."

“Well  it must be removed " said the King very decidedly  and he called the Queen  who was passing at the moment  “My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!"

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties  great or small. “Off with his head!" she said  without even looking round.

“I'll fetch the executioner myself " said the King eagerly  and he hurried off.

Alice thought she might as well go back  and see how the game was going on  as she heard the Queen’s voice in the distance  screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns  and she did not like the look of things at all  as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog  which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the only difficulty was  that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden  where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back  the fight was over  and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: “but it doesn’t matter much " thought Alice  “as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground." So she tucked it away under her arm  that it might not escape again  and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat  she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the executioner  the King  and the Queen  who were all talking at once  while all the rest were quite silent  and looked very uncomfortable.

The moment Alice appeared  she was appealed to by all three to settle the question  and they repeated their arguments to her  though  as they all spoke at once  she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.

The executioner's argument was  that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a thing before  and he wasn’t going to begin at his time of life.

The King's argument was  that anything that had a head could be beheaded  and that you weren’t to talk nonsense.

The Queen’s argument was  that if something wasn’t done about it in less than no time she’d have everybody executed  all round. (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)

Alice could think of nothing else to say but “It belongs to the Duchess: you’d better ask her about it.â€

“She’s in prison " the Queen said to the executioner: “fetch her here.†And the executioner went off like an arrow.

The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone  and  by the time he had come back with the Duchess  it had entirely disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it  while the rest of the party went back to the game.

Author's Page

WC@ The Linnet's Wings Story Web - All Rights Reserved: 07-25 www.thelinnetswings.org